My Philosophy

The Cycle of Frustration

They’re labeled as “problem children.” Parents and teachers just don’t know what else they can do.

And, despite professional intervention, these children return only to face the same struggles again and again.

It’s a cycle of frustration for all involved: the teachers, the parents, and, especially, the child.

Not Seeing the Forest for the Trees

Children are bursting with energy, creativity, and potential.

And, over the years, it has never felt right when teachers or parents instructed me to remove the child from a setting to “fix” the child. It never sat right with me.

“Fix this child” implies that there is something “wrong” with the child…

… as though this “wrong,” once “righted,” will solve everything.

To me, this is simply starting in the wrong place—as though a child (or any of us!) lives in a vacuum…

… and there’s not an array of environmental variables affecting his or her behavior.

A Change in Perspective: Connections and Relationships

Rather than focusing on what’s “wrong” with a child and trying to “identify the disconnect” …

… I find it helpful to ask, “What is this child (or person in general) struggling with?”

This changes the perspective to the areas of connection rather than “the disconnect”—and that becomes the focus of our work.

What we often find is that those areas of connection center on relationships.

Children grow in relationships, and an integral part of modifying their behavior is to strengthen the relationships around the child.

Fostering Empathy

Connections with other people feed our souls, so it’s only natural that we look to focus on understanding and improving the relationships in our lives.

All of us, especially parents, sometimes need help understanding the other person’s perspective and where their behaviors might be coming from.

To do that, often we have to do some work on identifying and exploring our own triggers, because our own “upsetness” greatly impacts our ability to empathize with others.

Empathy is the fuel for connection. If we all had empathy and really good self-regulation, we might actually accomplish world peace!

I use a strengths perspective.

I also believe that we are all doing our best…

… and that our behavior is informed by the knowledge and information that we have at the time.

It’s not motivating to be told what we’re doing wrong. We don’t do better by feeling worse.

When we feel seen, heard, and nurtured, then we feel good and we are motivated to make changes and do better.

I see this as a truth for adults and children alike.

Let me guide you and your loved ones to being seen, heard and nurtured. Call today 203-295-4787.